Arch One, March 30th

Arch One, March 30th
It was another packed house at Arch1 last night with a great crowd that was so wonderfully up for laughs. And they got that a plenty. First up was Joey Abels and why giving someone a number 2 all over is fine if you’re a barber, but just nasty if you’re a fecalfeliac. We then had the musical musings of Barbara Fernandez, a lady you don’t want to piss off or she’ll sing at your funeral…like it or not! After Barbara was Matthew Healy a man with the bowels of the noble kariboo, who’ll search far and wide for the right place to drop his turd baby. It was then over to Tasha Cluskey, who was on absolute cracking form last night, and the moment her conversations with Palmela Anderson, her house plant, became the warning signs of lockdown psychosis. It was then over to Dr Nic Harper, the man who looks less like a responsible doctor and more like Ace Ventura if he’d let himself go. It was then over to James Reading, who is still recovering from the shock of someone knocking on his window recently… He lives on the 4th floor! Hot on James’ heel was the fabulous Mark Pencherz, who was so pleased when he got his letter from Hogwarts. Although, as part of the trans community, it was less owl delivered post from Hogwarts and more Twitter delivered vitriolic bile from JK Rowling. We then had Oliver Miller, who reckons he’s as sexually flavoursome as 1980’s Russian vanilla ice cream, without the vanilla. It was then the turn of Rosemary Gomes and stretch exercises for sociopaths and downward dogs for psychopaths. Closing the first half was the brilliant Dicky Wright, aka Dickasso. Dicky wonders if his head is sometimes a bit like R. Kelly’s basement, there’s a 17 year old screaming to get out. Dicky quickly realised during lockdown that he actually missed work and hanging out with miserable, middle-class types that he bought himself an Arsenal season ticket.
After the break and a bit of favourite movie magic, we got off to a cracking start with Becky Walker with carer joy and poo tea. After Becky was James Townsend, who has recently bought himself an alarming clock. It’s basically the same thing as an alarm clock, only at the designated time it just whispers stuff like “Your Mrs is pregnant…”. After James was Vinny Ting and why buying lots of cocktails might be a rather expensive way to impose subliminal messaging. It was then over to Tom Cousins who is from Peckham. As locations go, Tom reckons it’s a bit like what you’d get if Luton and Aleppo had a baby. Rob Speight was next with Trump nukes and unnecessary masturbation judgements before Connor Yeates offered a little tip on how to keep more than the tip happy. Robert Gilbert then explained why he longs for more than the standard heterosexual experience and would rather like to be treated like a proper lady sometimes. He’s not sure if all it requires is quite for him, though. Our penultimate act was Elliot Rose, agent to the stars of drag and the man who has dealt with more demanding riders than a Royal gymkhana. Closing the show was the wonderful Dane Buckley, aka Our Lady of Perpetual Indulgence. People often tell Dane he sounds posh for someone coming from a council estate, but as he likes to explain, he’s gay and we simply sound better. When Dane isn’t making audiences cry with laughter, he is head of International LGBTQ recruitment. Yes, it’s true, we have been recruiting!!!!!
So that was last night and what a cracker of a night it was. Thanks to everyone, acts and audience, for making that so much fun. Headlining next Wednesday we have Richard Woolford and Gary Manhine.