Tuesday, March 22nd, Star of Kings

Tuesday, March 22nd, Star of Kings
We were at The Star of Kings last night and kicking things off we had Naomi Wattis and just why she’s now convinced doing an iron man makes you remotely like Robert Downey Jnr. It was then over to Jack Short and the Ukrainian crisis in 21st century Tindr langauage: Ukraine and Russia are exes. Ukraine had enough of Russia’s toxic masculinity and moved on and started flirting with Nate O. Russia got crazy jealous and is now in the if I can’t have you no one can mindset. Sounds about right. It was then over to Jamie Skepper and why being half Italian isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, especially when you can speak the language or pull the ladies with Latin looks. We then had Richard Parr who, like Westlife, only gets up on a key change. Jordan Carrigan then confessed that he’s been with his wife for so long that sex has started to feel like incest. Nicky Vere-Compton then told us as a kid she ran away to join the circus, but they brought her right back. We then had .Ben Smolders who told us of all those famous Belgian traits, which he admitted amounted to little more than explaining chocolate wasn’t a trait! Elie Maalouf was after Ben with tales of sitting on strangers’ laps in the back of cabs before the glorious craziness of Richard Woolford closed the first half with everything from giving the chocolate finger to slinky underwear and why chemo gave him the memory of a sieve…he still gets flashbacks to draining rice!
After the break, and one of the world’s oldest magic tricks, we got off to a great start with Phil Green and the joys of Pooh Club for the beta male. Chris Jack then utterly smashed his first ever set and gave some solid advice to other new acts: when rehearsing, vibrators can work as a replacement mic, but it doesn’t work the other way round. Allan Wood was next with a whole gamut of apologies, including that for future excessive cologne. The wonderful Dora Flowers was after Ben and introduced us to the concept of Angela in HR. Oskaras Šiuša then gave us gave us Lithuania nan ploughing, a farming concept we all want to forget. Hot on Oskaras’ heels was the fabulous Charlotte Dougan who has made all the hard aesthetic choices to further her comedy, but thinks she’s just ended up looking both gayer and more homophobic all at once. It was then over to Jomi Cruz and the mystery of why he ended up with an American accent, despite never having to the US. Spoiler alert: he watched a lot of porn as a kid. Closing the show was the most wrong of wrong un’s, Bob Walsh. Bob gave us the full denture free set, complete with a shitting on the dock of the bay rendition, before closing with the world’s most offensive gag. So classic bob, then.
There’s no G&B show at The Star of Kings next Tuesday, but you can catch Donal Vaughan’s Science Magic XXX -WIP. We’re back the following Tuesday with headliners Danny Field and Caroline Madds.