Wednesday, December 8th, Arch One

Wednesday, December 8th, Arch One
Last night we were at Arch1 and had a cracker of a line-up in store for the crowd. First up was Shahbaaz who offered a theory as to why Christians like to hold on to their traditions: chocolate eggs at Easter, pressies and food at Christmas as opposed to praying five times a day and starving yourself for a month every year. It’s a tough sell. We then had Lisa Carroll and the pain and suffering caused when Facebook and Instagram went down and she was unable to share news of the gorgeous man she’d met. Her pain was real, folks. We then had Craig Smalls and just why he and his partner had a baby: they didn’t think they were at the right level of commitment to buy a puppy. It was then over to Gail Egbeson, who feels her name is a bit to white lady. Well, at least she’s not a Karen. After Gail was the legend that is Jimbo. Pity the fool who’s not experienced Jimbo on stage. There’s no one quite like Jimbo when it comes to creating an atmosphere of giggling, childlike silliness and joy…with nothing more than a mic stand! It was then over to Matt Withers and The Winter Olympics, the athletic equivalent of Dancing on Ice. It was then the turn of Jake Z. Jake’s fairly new to London and can’t help noticing we have a serious problem with stabbings and muggings…since he arrived. Tyson Bradley was after Jake with tales of his enduring relationship. He met his wife in primary school. So their first date was him pulling her hair and her telling him he was gross. Alex Hawley then explained his accent for us. He’s from a small town in New Zealand, Wellington, the Capital. Closing the first half was the brilliant Phil Green, who can’t quite get his head round the fact he’s turned forty. Phil’s just completed a triathlon, though. So he’s getting ahead of his oncoming midlife crisis like a pro.
After the break the glitzy fabulousness that is Gemma Barry got things going with her complete lack of uniform fetish. Thanks to paramedic and firemen brothers, any uniform fantasy feels a bit creepy. It was then over to Marco Chiu and why sharing food isn’t romantic, it’s just Disney owning your ass. Merry Martyn was after Marco with the arguments you should never need to have with flatmates. Stuff like flush the loo or don’t eat out of the bins. Hot on Merry’s heels was Will Slack and getting slapped down by your nan when she tells you without her shagging there would be no you! It was then over to Elliott Cass, the kind of guy middle aged bald men hunt for sport. After Elliott we had Levi Friedman who’s not scared of death, but will shit himself if you shout at him. It was then over to Medina Saeed and an excerpt from her two hour O2 special. Turns out she got a 2:1 degree during lockdown…in Netflix and Amazon prime (it could have been a first but she just could face Love Island). The evening’s penultimate act was the wonderful Pete Kinsella. On cracking form last night, Pete admitted he’s kinda enjoyed the whole post-lockdown experience of late. Now he’s not the only person folks don’t want to sit next to. Closing the show was the utterly hilarious Martin Joseph. Whilst working for a renowned psychic, Martin has started to develop a sixth sense of his own. For example, he now knows when someone he’s seeing is about to be cheated on.
We’re getting closer to Christmas now, so only a few shows of 2021 left. Headlining next Wednesday at Arch1 we have Sims Holland and Nicu Tematoru. See you then.