Wednesday night was our Christmas Girlpower at The Bell – it began with Jenny Jope who says not even going through the pearly gates will stop some from offering you a broadband deal. Martina O’Sullivan (pictured) then gave us the recipe for proper banter: British tea, Catholic guilt and an Irish heritage. Next up was SJ Wyatt and Dr Mew – the good doctor had lots to say about his recent transformation from right-wing subhuman to superior cat, while leaving his balls at the door. Danielle Scott gave us the secret to working anywhere as an accountant – and it’s not good numbers, but having what counts above the belt that matters. Sudeepta Sanyal shared more excellent advice – shagging your British flatmate till he relents and gives you a passport – before our closing headliner, the irreverently funny Indi Madray – who is not the Indi of the Temple of Doom… more the Indi of Croydon. Indi is thankful for her inner white Cockney fella: he hasn’t been inside her since the early 2000s, but his accent out of her mouth can make any pesky relative faint from shock.
Our second half opened with another headliner – oh yes! – the hilarious Mackenzie Pike, who loves living in girls’ world, where you drink lattes for the fumes and your best girlfriend/life coach/cheerleader/sympathetic judge can be found at any time in the ladies’ loo at the club. You are never, ever found guilty. Sofia Cano then provided the best advice ever for having children: get another woman to do the heavy lifting (or pushing, rather). It was then over to Shreya Vaidyanathan. Shreya is a big fan of Pilates – one white man’s answer to how to get women all over the world to do whatever he says. We then had a tutorial in the very complicated business that is preparing a ready meal, thanks to Amber Phillips. The meals don’t seem to be ready for anything at all, apart from giving you a nervous breakdown. Our then token male appendage of the evening was provided by Aarian Mehrabani‘s discovery of how to create his best day ever: invite someone blinder than himself to an all-deaf cafe, and see who breaks down first. Closing the show was the fabulous Caroline Madds. Who runs the world? Not girls, sadly – turns out it’s the ex-USSR. Caroline also knows now how to remember that yesterday’s brunch was a bottomless one: the smashed avo is where the sun don’t shine.
So that was our night at the Bell, thanks to our MC Barbara Fernandez. Join us next Wednesday December 10th with the very definition of a G&B fave, the hilarious Declan Evans and the fabulously funny Dylan Almeida.