Write-up by guest MC Barbara Fernandez
Sunday was our Dark Delights night, starting with Marc Cohen, who woke up to the sound of 2 people having sex in his room – it didn’t involve him, though he did have to check first. Stanislav Gunko shared his troubles with respecting boundaries – given his Russian heritage – followed by Roger Clarke‘s prowess at crafting an entire set out of more krill than the population of Sheffield. Dylan Almeida then gave us his home country of Kuwait’s oh-so-liberal activities. Yes there’s waterboarding, but it’s with sparkling water. You can’t breathe, but boy will your skin look great. @andybrittain provided us with a new definition of a condom – a bag for life. Next up was Richard Taylor. Richard says the most unpleasant bit of having a parsnip stuck up the wrong place is that the hospital won’t let you take it home for tea. Tony Carr‘s list of medications almost put him off, as they don’t give you a long life, though they help every day feel endless. We then had Martina O’Sullivan (pictured with Freddie), who says slagging someone off becomes the ultimate banter with some Irish seasoning: 800 years of oppression. Our first half headliner was the fabulous Anthony Gilet, who says it takes a village to raise a kid – so he lives in the city. He also has the perfect reply to app hopefuls asking if he’s well hung: just wait a few hours.
Our second half kicked off with James Streeter. James’ favourite song is about breathing, ironic given he’s asthmatic. Freddie Cornwell shared he hasn’t started watching skinflicks again – he simply hasn’t stopped. Susan Heather Kitcatt‘s friends now all know she gets distracted not because of ADHD, but because – according to predictive text – she’s got Aids. We then had Sam Barrett who says a flaccid male organ is like a guy whose wife has just left him. After Sam was Oumer Teyeb. Oumer got kicked out of Ethiopia – turns out he couldn’t run fast enough. It was then over to Steven Mayne who pointed out that one good thing about the plane to Epstein’s island was that it certainly had disabled access, and was child-friendly. Ellis Strong promoted his first-ever London brothel for OAPs thanks to his nan’s prowess – they just have to get the clients up the stairlift before the pills wear off. Our closing headliner was the brilliant Damian Krushner. Damian says on the way here he ran over a puppy, but thankfully it wasn’t serious. No one spotted him. He wistfully recalled his grandad’s lucky break in the war when he was carrying a cigarette case over his heart – he got to have a ciggie while bleeding out.
So that was our Dark Delights show – join us on Sunday afternoon at The Star of Kings on March 1st. You’ll be the first to see “We Will Yeah” with Martina O’Sullivan and Nick Bain, their new show that we’ve no doubt will have them in absolute tears of laughter. You don’t want to miss this one.