Write-up by guest MC Barbara Fernandez
Last night at The Bell got off to a fun start, with Charlie Firth and the perils of a weighted blanket – really gets in the way of a good HJ. Next up was Ariella Eshed. Ariella says having kids at an ‘advanced age’ comes with its perks: you can’t remember their names. We then had Samuel Love, whose ex may threaten to touch him with a barge pole, so he wants to make sure she does it properly. Keith Mendes then shared how he’s gone from sounding female over the phone to today’s medical DJ, delivering blood results to all and sundry in the smoking hot voice of Dr Love. Jack Adams gave the biggest complaint about a computer – when it declares itself as non binary – before Ollie Taylor (pictured) got up to some bike helmet shenanigans to guide us through level crossing mishaps and fighting off bears with…well we won’t spoil the surprise. Mac O’Donnell then made a heartfelt appeal for some new challenges to support mental health that involve ice in tender places before our closing headliner of the first half, Phil Green, took us through the benefits of a mental breakdown – you get to do an Iron Man to get further from family…unless you’re Goldilocks, in which case your family may drag you back through the woods to apologize to those poor bears.
Our second half kicked off with Archie Kittermaster-Keen who, thanks to DuoLingo, knows exactly what to do to avoid cow confusion (!) Next up was Brandon Charleston. Brandon gave us the low down on what was really happening in Bob the Builder – coked up machinery running amok, complete with slags trying to pull a fast one on Bob. Mani Ahmed then shared how wise his mum is: to make sure her Poundland bachelor gets his dream match, she gets first swipe rights on his apps. Cameron Holder educated us on what it’s like hanging out with your gay friends as a group of guys – a constant stag do where someone always ends up in their birthday suit at the drop of a hat. After Cameron was Lucy Jenner. Lucy says she may be smashing it at dyslexia, but the pay gap between barrister and barista is no joke. Closing our show was the wonderful Jim Hooker. Jim says gangsters in Essex are easy to please – after they rob you, give ’em a push on the swings. Oh and if you were wondering where the deepest, darkest underbelly of London is, just look for the secondhand Greggs.
So that was our show! Join us next Wednesday 10th July at the Bell, with the simply hilarious Indi Madray and the wonderfully weird Louis Fletcher.