Write-up by guest MC Barbara Fernandez
January 12th was a fun night at The Star of Kings, starting with Max Devine, our substitute teacher in medieval French, followed by Martin Ashworth, whose advertising expertise let us know that you don’t just condition each hair strand, you explode each shaft. Nigel Wolfin then kept our finance bros happy with his tales of woe getting beaten up by spreadsheets (those Excel bullies), before Evan Henley thanked the audience for providing him with the best kind of PPI – percussive palm injury. Paul Rowinski expressed his gratitude for not listening to pesky Spanish customs officers who tried to direct him to the far right, followed by Gee Watson. Gee had a full head of hair till Martin sold him that exploding shampoo. Tony Carr then bemoaned the good ol’ days when men wanting to get girls by showing off their bits jumped out of shrubbery. Our first half headliner, the brilliantly dark Gav Webb, shared that it was a real shame his grandma’s ring didn’t fit his girlfriend’s finger – he had to dig Meemaw up again. Thanks to his cab driving, Gavin is often party to top secrets from the wealthy – such as Charles being apparently rather peeved, since Camilla got in saying ‘King’s cross’.
Our second half opened with Phil Green. Phil says no need to ask a middle-aged person their age, just look at their email address – you’ll have all the info you’ll need to even take on their identity. Oriana Page then gave us an insight into her child-from-Omen childhood – therapy can be a poor replacement for exorcism. Next up was Neil Benson. Neil has been told he has to do more exercise, but the problem with that is once you’ve done your exercise… you have to repeat the experience. Harriet Minter, trainee sex therapist, says the trouble with being a sexless sex therapist is like being a priest who doesn’t get any – your clients won’t take you seriously. We then had AJ Hopper (aka Alex Combe) who taught us all a new lesson: jam and sex don’t mix. Chess Nightingale then said her mom wanted to call her Monopoly, but that was ditched because of possible future family fallout. Our penultimate act was Cameron Holder, who has gone all out on vaccines – grab ’em while you can, even – in his start-pf-the-year optimism – for gonorrhea. Our closing headliner was the fabulous Nick Morey. Nick has a quick fix when he misses nights out in his 20s – an episode of Traitors. It has everything, even when people raise their hoodies and…well, that bit is better left imagined. Nick learned over the holidays a surprising factoid – apparently putting wheels on a suitcase makes it gay. Who knew?
So that was our night – join us on Monday, January 19th with the fabulously funny Sam Day and the utterly hilarious Stanislav Gunko.