Write-up by guest MC Barbara Fernandez
What a cracker of a night we had at the Star! The audience was on fire right from the start and it just kept going. Starting us off was John Pape who says you know you’re rocking the gay style with the three-sheets-of-loo-roll-on-the-shoe look. Next was Josh N. Taylor who, as an ex probation officer, spent his time protecting us all – mostly from competent criminals, like those who send WhatsApp audio messages. We then had Kristian Allman-Varty. Kristian had the great fortune to grow up in the North, where banter takes the form of uneaten fruit and traumatic ringtones selected by Mummy Dearest. Nick Gaughan then shared his job search trauma: times are tough when even the church turns you down. At least he’s got his magic thumb. Mark Moloney then presented us with his own job success story: he may look like a discarded piece of candy, but at least he can stop traffic. It was then over to Martin Ashworth, who made us all want to move to Devon – that is, if we can forgo the joys of taking a kip on the Northern line and waking up in Morden. Lucy Clark shared her sports prowess – turns out she knows just where balls go, both on and off the pitch. Our first half closed with the hilarious Phillip Cornwall – it was challenging to unleash those inner thought rhinos and beware the gateway buzzwords when you laugh till your sides hurt!
Our second half opened with Tiger Veggiemamontien, who moved here for the prospects, only to be faced with the ignominy of mushy peas and beans on toast. Will Pease then presented us with a clowning workshop, complete with silk pjs, wall gripping and being a flailing horse mid-race, all with a doggy soundtrack. Oliver Wright then shared the best way to not worry if life doesn’t give you answers – just get a philosophy degree. Mystery guaranteed. Next was Shane Bray, an American who is oh-so-grateful to the deep south – they gave us Brokeback Mountain, which is not, as he thought, a place to throw your back out. Andy Alty (pictured) then presented us with the pride of a pink pensioner who, according to legend, has performed at the Star many times before… though without the spotlights (or any lights). It was then over to Alex Priestley, who proudly lies to her waxer about how well her life is going – right before providing a masterclass in body language, complete with eyelash flutters and pelvic tilts. Closing the show was the fabulous Matthew Mj Hunter. Thanks to MJ’s mum, for many years he was a highly accomplished virgin for whom clocks were a mystery. At least he got to tour with an Indian rap group – someone had to make sure they got to parties on time!
So that was our show! Join us at the Star next Monday, where we’ve the joyous lunacy of one of G&B’s absolute favourite clowns, the brilliant bonkers of Moss (aka James Watkins).