It was a fabulous afternoon at Girlpower at The Star of Kings! Kicking things off was Phoebe Taylor who says it’s difficult being Gen Z when the apocalypse is nigh – it’s hard enough dealing with melting snowflakes. Gracie Battson was next. Gracie may be bent in more ways than one but she hankers after ways to be cute that don’t involve watering the Amazon rainforest with her sweat. Following Gracie was Amber Phillips. Amber says the toughest part of having siblings is picking out that perfect birthday card – a gorilla’s anus or a barge presents a tough choice. We then had Valerie Steele who is fed up with ‘your mum’ jokes – where’s the gratitude of youth, especially when she’s rewarded her children by not having any more after them. Saba Nowroozi then says her badly cooked rice may not snag her a husband, but at least she can enjoy frightening the introverts at the office – that is, when she’s not sacrificing her liver in pursuit of British friends. Claire Hutchison shared that nothing quite compares to being called the wife of a famous war criminal – except when people think you’re about to take 5 awkward kids round a dodgy chocolate factory. It was then over to Megan Rainey. Megan enjoys being shagged doggy style while kissing the pillow, right before being asked to marry said shagger. Closing the first half was the fab Georgia Thorp. Georgia gave us quite the education: it turns out not all lesbians are hill walkers, but they all don’t have feline friends either. And what you can find in the centre aisle of Aldi is truly surprising – you can even bag yourself a spouse.
Our second half opened with Emmy Fyles who says you aren’t likely to impress her with your Access All Areas lanyard to Shoe Zone. It was then over to Akachi Akachukwu who says it’s so nice to feel wanted – when you default on your credit cards. After Akachi was Becky Jade (pictured). Becky spends her time rescuing rescue cats – when not taking out those wanker bankers on the tube. We then had Frances Clark Murray (Frances Jane) who has been taking extra trips to the loo thanks to an extra large lump of blue cheese, risking assault by mice and being written up in the Daily Mail. Next up was Katie Tweddle. Katie says when your girlfriend is shagging someone else in the next room, it’s only polite to offer tea – in the appropriate dress, of course. Closing our show was the truly wonderful Pam Ford, who has been on the watch for those pesky DVTs on her leg – or were those DVDs? Either way, it’s hard to keep track of things what with putting her PIN number into her microwave and trying to stop her toy boy from colouring in the placemats at restaurants.
So that was our show! Join us next Sunday where we’ve our favourite Northern lass, the hilarious Emmy Fyles and the ranty political fabulousness of Matt Withers.