Write-up by guest MC Barbara Fernandez
It was a fun Thursday night at the Royal George – it kicked off with Jim Hooker, who is proudly from Romford (yes he’s had his ankle tag removed) and voted remain – anything to avoid a continental breakfast. Ricky Boby then illustrated the benefits of his spiking maturity curve: kickstarting your heart by passing wind, and learning the art of ambidextrous wanking. After Ricky was Valerie Steele. Valerie’s superpowers come directly from her ninja gang: the whingers, mingers & gingers. Next up was Ben Roberts, who says you haven’t lived till your hair has been sculpted with mummy’s mousse and you’ve got Pom Bears on tap. Up next was Tom Masters, who would have loved to have been a historian of the good old days before recorded history, when no one wrote anything down despite giant man-eating beasts masquerading as cute cats. After Tom was Rob Ash, who used to bemoan the loss of his ginger hair, till he realised…does this now make him datable? Closing the first half was the wonderfully deadpan Billy Kerr. Billy says whoever is running those ‘how to make a pizza’ courses has it sussed: get your clientele to pay more for doing everything themselves, including the washing up. And beware of teenage testosterone: Billy is living proof that it can seep through walls and strip the hair of any unsuspecting males sleeping in the next room.
Our second half opened with the fab Kim Hope, who is a big fan of alcohol and headmasters – the first is always on tap and inspires the second to go for that shag after all. At least she didn’t have to do her homework! Luke Harrower then bemoaned the difficulties of shopping for a suitable gift when your dad studies sex offenders – what would strike the right tone? After Luke was Laura Varriale who says she may not be ready for the Eat Pray Love of middle age, but she’s definitely ready for converting incels into crypto bros – for a solid investment in sh*tcoin. Next up was Charlie Firth, whose football team got downgraded, taking him through the 5 stages of grief and a level of empathy with the ewes of Cardiff and their ever-increasing demands on their time to look their best for the boys. After Charlie was JR (aka Jonathan Rippon, pictured), whose Cher gay twin version of the Bare Necessities had everyone clapping along. We then had Connor Yeates who is a busy man – exploiting the popularity of a black romantic lead on Netflix is a time-consuming affair. Closing the show was the brilliantly bonkers Richard Woolford – is it a pirate boxing? A filmmaker? A hoover gone mad? A sticky crow? A Citroen Van Gogh? We had it all and more from our king of prop comedy – even a ditty for the knee lovers.
So that was our show! Join us next Thursday 20th July, with our fab headliners: the hilarious New Act winner Graciela Martin, and G&B fave, the brilliant Emily McQuade