Write-up by guest MC Barbara Fernandez
We had a full house at the Star of Kings last night! Starting us off was Richard Woolford with his madcap prop comedy: shopping trolleys that hoover, kidney Stonehenge and even celebrity nudes. Next up was Declan Evans who says Halloween parties are rough when you run into Sponge Bob doing some dodgy business…never meet your heroes. After Declan was Richard Wheatley who, in fine form, gave us new meanings to the language of Arthurian legends (Sir Cum-ference ahem), before Jamie McDonald gave a musical homage to homosapiens and carnivorous jailbirds. We then had Rob Ash who, apart from the squirrel warfare happening on his face, appears to be doing quite well – he’s now datable! Tree Bradstreet (Theresa Bradstreet) then gave us some good advice: if you want to bury your toy boy, don’t do it in the garden. Then Adam Wright described how tough it can be when Got takes it out on one of your toenails (He clearly has it in for that one), while hoping to get a girl’s digits. After Adam was Dan Hough who, after being accused by his therapist of being a stress eater, only wishes it were true. Sure would save money on food bills. Next up was James Sutton. James is amazed by life: worm halves that live on, socks that can be condoms – there’s no end to life’s wonders. It was then over to Ollie Taylor who hunted for answers to his upcoming DVLA test amongst the audience, only to discover those answers won’t help with the test’s clear level crossing fetish. Karan Mehra then shared how he longs to fit in with his brown brothers…he hails from the land of India, where vindaloo causes more damage than people. Closing the first half was the fabulously funny Billy Kerr. Billy, the ‘boss’ of our first half, went to a school where double-barreled surnames wouldn’t stand a chance – they’d only be bullied for having 2 dads. Fortunately Billy is from a time when mobile phones were thicker than today’s versions, and… they didn’t even see color.
Our second half began with Charlie Firth who says he’s in good company with Jesus – both born from mothers with questionable associations, and both obsessed with the safety of their neighbor’s bovines. After Charlie was Seraj Alijan from Baghdad – a Baghdaddie, as he says. His mum wants him to be more than a bag – but at least he’s not a single use bag. It was then over to Matt Scott who says his dead nan isn’t looking down on him – she’s more likely looking up. We then had Dodich Caravag (aka Luke Harrower, pictured), who had to leave Russia – the last straw was them getting banned from Eurovision. Next up was Ben Davis who went on a rant about bands that had Chester Bennington fans in an uproar, before Onojie Idemudia told us how lucky we are to live in London in winter – it’s the best place to hide a fart. Isaac Kean was next with his desire to be a crime triple threat – though he can’t decide if it would just be better to say Pink Floyd should be waterboarded. Clément Cohen then expressed his outrage at his friends asking him the very last thing you should ask any self-respecting French person – to give up their smokes. Martin Ashworth provided more Jesus parallels – like Jesus, he’s Capricorn and hates nothing more than getting (a) cross. Closing the show was Alex D. Love who had us chanting his GCSE results (lots of ‘give me a D’) and sharing how great scout badges look on his heavy metal leather jacket. Oh and we need to have bears in horse races – turns out they can run faster. Who knew?
So that was our show! Join us next Monday at the Star for G&B’s monthly New Act Competition!