We had a great time yesterday at The Star of Kings. It began with Tony Carr‘s temptation to accept an offer in a skin flick, though because of recent events, Tony feared it might be a flop. Liam Mcgough was up next, saying people often ask him what he’s on…the spectrum, as it turns out. Then @lukeditchfield gave us the modern way to get a girlfriend: on a subscription basis. She can cancel anytime. Next up was @johnmonahan who finds gigging near Kings Cross can be challenging when you look like Harry Potter on a high. Ricky Baker followed John with sound advice from his doctor to fix the dual carriageway that’s racing round his heart – a handy bypass. Next up was Tony Matthews, aka the Dalai Llama’s stunt double, so His Holiness can let his hair down (whatever’s left of it). We then had @rosieg (pictured) who asks the very pertinent question: why seek sex for validation when you can use marshmallows? It was then over to James Allen. James was in therapy, but because he doesn’t trust the process, he’s out. But he’s fine. Really. He is. Closing the first half was the fabulous Steven Mayne. Steve says playing Monopoly with his family of criminals is tough: dare to put a hotel on your property and you’ll find yourself having to pay for protection. His daughter is following in the family footsteps, since the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree – or as Steve would say, the iPad doesn’t fall far from…well (!)
Our second half opened with Tracey Bowman. Tracey has finally figured out why pegging is so popular – running a tumble dryer now costs the earth. Next up was Andrew Norwood, who despite being a plumber, hasn’t had babes rock up at his door clamouring for a go under the sink. We then had Barbora Beránková. Barbora is always insulted when people think she’s a call girl – she’d never dream of charging a fee. @georgeleeson then told us Covid might be a nan’s worst nightmare, but for him it’s a godsend…all those days off work aren’t going to come along by themselves. Next was Susan Heather Kitcatt. Susan is dyslexic, which makes reading controversial – especially when getting indignant about having to get rabbis shot before you travel. After Susan was Larissa Shipton. Larissa isn’t a fan of ‘laughter is the best medicine’ – clearly those people never needed real meds, like a Prozac pina colada. Our penultimate act was @kierandee who arrived on stage looking rather bereft…it turns out he’d lost his hair. Closing the show was the wonderfully wacky Kim Hope. Kim loves London, cause even pickpockets can up their game from stealing to operating on the underground: keys, wallets, kidneys…those masks aren’t just for Covid anymore. And thanks to the British Transport Police, you can make your tube journey fuckwit free with a simple text. It will sort anything you like, even bad fashion choices.
So that was our gig at the Star! Join us next Sunday July 13th at The Star of Kings where we have the hilarious Eddie Rojas and the glitzy fabulousness of Amber Phillips.