Jonny Brace kicked things off by revealing he is, apparently, the muse of the British theatre scene… just unfortunately only for plays about autistic dogs and Jesus. Then it was over to Marc Cohen – a Londoner by vibe if not by address, with pronouns “oi” and “oi oi!!”. Hot on Mark’s heels we had Ian Colyer, a man from an estate so rough even helping a neighbour can get you arrested… Then Amber Phillips treated us to an international dining saga. Italian? Greek? German? Nobody is quite sure, but the important lesson remains: whatever you do, for the love of God, don’t wobble the fish. Wayne Murawha then told us all about his gran, an Olympic‑level guilt‑delivery system, capable of notifying his mum of his shortcomings faster than 5G, before Peri Whyte told us all why cookbooks are the same as sci‑fi novels — halfway through he just thinks, “Nope. That’s never gonna happen…” Our penultimate act of the first half was Simon Le Sueur Draper a wannabe cop who couldn’t help when his mate’s bike was nicked. Truly, a natural. Max Devine (pictured) closed the half with his iconic vest, a disturbingly accurate Chris Eubank impression (amongst others), and some bold flirting with the front row. Max hasn’t watched any of the Oscar winning movies from this year – he’s waiting until they drop on TikTok instead.
The second half kicked off in style with Eoghan Collins, a theatre actor (aka someone who doesn’t get film work), who explained that his true source of income is restaurants. Shakespeare may be dead, but hospitality shifts are forever. Kamien Deane Comedian then introduced us to his alter ego — just in case the main version doesn’t live up to its promise. Next up, Des Bateman (Desmond from Jesmond) brought us back to the North with stories from Quicksave, the supermarket that makes Lidl look like the Harrods food hall. Then it was over to Dave Moss who told us his parents’ old‑school approach to discipline left his nose reshaped. It was only fixed years later — by a maths teacher who probably shouldn’t be allowed near children. Denys Woolley wandered drunkenly through tales of mistaken identity, awkward pavement dodging, and the revelation that he once walked straight into a mirror. Finally, the evening was brought to a spectacular end by Roops! He closed the night with tales from his glamorous career as a songwriter for…the Psoriasis Society. The audience were treated to a surprisingly romantic skincare ballad, a solemn freestyle eulogy, and a lighters-in-the-air banger about train etiquette. All because once, a fiddle player asked “Where’s a rapper when you need one?!”
So that was Wednesday at The Bell! Next week we’ll be back with the brilliant Andy Brittain and the one and only Prakash Mistry. See you there!