Write-up by guest MC Barbara Fernandez
Last night we had our Girlpower Night at The Bell and it kicked off with Sophie Bing, who left the sexy world of French horns to indulge in some oboeing in the land of cheese rolling – which, by the way, isn’t worth the concussion. Cheryl Hurst then followed with how to tell a man is really into you: he celebrates your birthday 3 years in a row…giving you the same age each year. Next was Amber Phillips. Amber finds herself constantly having to apologise to her chest every time she acquires new housing for them – especially after a shower, when the poor things just can’t get a grip. Rosie Connolly then shared her plethora of personalities, thanks to ADHD with Gemini rising, before Barbora Beránková pondered why people say it’s difficult to raise kids, when it’s even more challenging raising parents. Next up was Amisha Patel. Amisha says there’s nothing more deeply satisfying to the soul than watching a complacent mum’s feral toddler take a fall from your dining room table. It was then over to Sophie Mckay. Sophie says life is hard enough when you get barley instead of Bali – and it shouldn’t be that tough to find your monkey baby daddy. Closing the first half was the fabulously dark Sally Firth (aka Siân Spry). Sally is proud to be banned from both cage fighting AND the Samaritans, all while on a mission to stop hubby Roger from breathing – or at least from wanking at the wrong moment.
Our second half opened with Caroline Madds (pictured). Thanks to her sister’s antics, Caroline knows exactly what she’d be like if she too indulged in hot yoga and ditched her personality. We then had Alex Priestley, who loves nothing more than a good clothes swap. All those scarves! Next was Sarah Rowan, who had us all highly envious of her accent – not only is it trustworthy, but any potential date can look forward to some scintillating end-of-evening tussles. Delyth Jones then continued the envy train, with her Botoxed bladder and her mum’s economical burial option: becoming a crash test dummy. After Delyth was Francesca Ayala-Rock. Fran says you haven’t lived till your shaving style makes your nether regions resemble a dinosaur from Jurassic Park. Holly Wolfe (aka Hollie Wolfie Wolfe) then shared the numerous benefits of having the default facial expression of a horror star – no more stalkers or difficult customers. Next was Laura Madewell. Laura says if you want your man to get down on one knee, it’s only fair that you go first – on both, that is. Closing the show was the wonderful Mel Owen who, according to her neighbour, has a heritage that can easily pass for either Spanish or Japanese. At least she knows how to pick an ex – he was the only one who removed his cufflinks BEFORE headbutting the copper’s horse.
So that was our show at the Bell! Join us next Tuesday 30th April for our final night at Our last ever night at Arch One, where we’ll be going out with a bang: headlining we have the hilarious Marc Salmon and one of Arch 1’s all time favourite comics, Paul Merryck, an act who’s been reducing crowds at The Arch to tears of laughter for almost as long as we’ve been running shows there.