Wednesday night at The Bell was another delightfully chaotic showcase of life lessons, petty grievances, and slightly concerning confessions. Opening the night was Mac O’Donnell, who told us about his housemate—blessed with very little intelligence but, to his credit, plenty of street smarts. Paul Little then shared how he once gatecrashed a squatters’ party, though no one there was really in a position to object. Eytan Bayme proudly announced that he is, in fact, married to an amazing, living, human woman—he was just as surprised as we were. Marigold Lately followed, revealing that all her sisters are named after flowers, including one particularly snappy sibling: Venus Fly Trap. Alex Harris (pictured) has been playing a lot of tennis lately—despite not owning a racket. Luckily, his friend has two… which is entirely unfair. George Burgess has a mate who’s really into conspiracy theories—some of them so niche they might not even exist. Jonny Brace was meant to play Daddy Pig in a Peppa Pig theatre show until he got fired—though his friends haven’t let that stop them from calling him Daddy Pig. Closing the first half was David Ferguson, who gets called all sorts of cruel names—like David. He’s also so hairy that whenever he books an Airbnb, he makes sure it’s pet friendly.
After the break, Barbara Fernandez serenaded us with the tale of how she became an illegal immigrant in France—set to music, naturally. Orlando Taylor, a therapist by trade, spent his evening subtly analysing every single act on the bill. Nigel Wolfin told us about his two kids—one boy, one girl—unfortunately, also their names. Ann McClain Bridges recently did a gig in front of someone who had just interviewed her for a job. Safe to say she didn’t get it. Candace Elise Redden tries to avoid chatty parents at the school drop-off—especially the ones who ask terrifying questions like, “Do you have a good marriage?” Guillaume Buisson-Hainaut is a big fan of life, though he admits he’s never tried the alternative. Jonny Blostone has been made redundant, but on the plus side, he’s now free to discover his true passions—like pleasuring himself to obscure game shows on Netflix. Godfrey Mercado gave us a brilliant breakdown of why being short is the best: more leg room, no growing pains, and the ability to disappear into crowds when necessary. Closing the night was Callum Mackenzie, who has a 15-year-old brother—and if you’ve ever met a 15-year-old boy, you’ll know they are the most terrifying creatures on earth. His brother insists on dressing like he’s in a gang, which is quite the choice when you live in rural Sussex.
Another cracking Wednesday at The Bell. See you next week for more!