It was a cool Sunday afternoon at The Royal George this week, hosted by the wonderful Steven Mayne. Kicking off proceedings was Nick Morey with some generational wisdom: your twenties play out like an episode of The Traitors, and your forties are terrible for flashbacks. Up next was Indi Madray, a ‘borderline disgrace’ to her own race with no degree and no diabetes, who demonstrated her intriguing bathtub technique. Peri Whyte took time out from convincing his computer that he is indeed a robot in order to school us in pizza slice maths, before Kodi McBride informed us that he is definitely not an olive man (although he is the same age as Finding Nemo). Tony Matthews gave the Dalai Lama a run for his money with his professional dancing skills, after which James Streeter offered an unconventional method for losing 40 pounds and ruined the Toy Story franchise for us all. Closing the first half was the fabulous Amber Phillips. Coming to us from her hometown-slash-warzone, Amber loves her job correcting other people’s grammar, but things got a bit lost in translation and it turns out that she’s massively undercharging for her services on Zoom.
Our second half opened with Cameron Holder who, despite coming from the South African equivalent of Birmingham, needs protecting from the Duolingo owl. Patricia Mihail explained why her home country of Romania is the land of bloodsuckers and which dirty deeds she’d rather not talk about over tap water. Up next was Oscar Farrimond, a self-proclaimed ‘alcoholic gardener’ who knows the vital difference between his TV remote and his thermostat. Andrew Conway highlighted the joys of cruising in the dentist’s waiting room and naming children after wines, before Stephen Portlock told us about a video call that went very weird and the struggles of organising your own assisted dying party. Jack Paul was shocked to discover that his liver is old enough to be his dad (although he is a custard cream eating champion), while MJ regaled us with tales of finding love in the sexual health clinic and overly earnest work colleagues at Stonehenge. Closing the show was the brilliant Gareth Beavis (pictured). Gareth loves Thomas the Tank Engine, but continues to be traumatised by the sexy new theme song. He also demonstrated how he uses his lankiness for evil: to teabag old ladies in his local supermarket.